When i updated my status message to “I miss the missing I”- the connotations that people made out of it were different and unsolicited. Expression of state of mind can be meandering just like our thoughts. While the mysterious woman continues to bask in esoteric- some things can still be read. I here refers to the alphabet- which has gone missing with one’s identity but it doesn’t necessarily mean communion. It might be termed as arrogance or self obsession but this is what separates the rat from the rat race. When everyone is following the herd and running for ulterior motives- it is I which brings the blossom.

But what i actually meant was that the missing I was good and i don’t enjoy its presence anymore.

To write or not to...

Writing is something that no one can force upon us- not even we ourselves. You have to be feeling vehement about something to bring out the best of expression. And when i say this today- I am trying to do something just because i am missing it for quite a few days now. When there is emptiness in your mind, thoughts run just like shallow water- you can only force yourself to write-  to please your craving pen and the readers. And yet this is a different feeling since you are pitted against the wall. Not sure how regular columnists do it- providing regular feed of their own inscriptions. Either they are extremely vocal about trivial issues or the power of money is more exciting- not sure about the motivations though.

Stains

Stains as described by Manjula Padmanabhan is a true to life depiction of the plight of a girl caught imbalanced between gender and race discrimination. How does the presence of a blotch at one place brings in differences- the short story continues to unravel. Barely away from the normal life scenarios- it has a befitting description of not just what every woman goes through but also describes the mentality of women being unflinchingly cruel to other womenfolk- just to make them feel, what they underwent in their hey days. The inability of men to understand the winds of change in their partner’s mood when PMSing and  there also is a subdued reference to their adjustment with the fact that women are definitely superior in this regard. While it is easier for people to comment that they change as per the requirment of the situation but highly difficult to embrace change in totality and live up to the changing expectations from all facets. Worth a read!!

Worth Calculating

Sometimes I wonder- have i overstayed my welcome? Have i  given it a bigger part and time of my life than required and was it worth it? When you see things diminishing in front of you and if you still stay there watching- isn’t that denigration of your own self? Should it be named as complacency or risk aversion? Either ways if the outcome is not good as it should have been- its time to revisit. If relationships are touching the baseline, when you start questioning your own intents and actions- its time up - for staying as a guest. It’s in fact a signal to go back to being a vagabond and try again the taste of life, firsthand and learn from its discoveries.



Pain - As experienced

Have we ever thought that pain would be sweet and I do not mean Orgasmic Pain. When do deadly throngs of pain become cakewalk to handle?  It is when you give into the pain and treat it as a living thing with a purpose- when you let it do its Karma defying what it brings to you. When we come to terms with idea of pain- it becomes easier to handle. It is then that you have actually conquered pain and made it your servant. Sometimes the pain is worth bearing for the fruit it brings. Pain is not malicious- it is just something which breaks free from shackles after long seize. If we decide to look at its structure we can definitely disarm pain with attention. Don’t resent it, just try to live with it and celebrate it- After all its all in our mind.

The Moment

Every event has a moment!!! But there are few which stay etched in our eyes, mind and soul. Let me make here a reference of the song “Choomantar”- one of my current favourites. Neither I am a Katrina fan nor of Irfan Khan but still this song never fails to leave behind its charm. The song itself presents a free spirited attitude, undaunted by the world and its vagaries. It denotes the- me craving for zero boundaries, running away from the eyes, living a world of my own dreams and finding an unpretentious me. Making friends with the journey and daring to live your “Aawara Fitarat” is worth cherishing. The idea of losing your own self on your own is the best. But all said and done - this single capture at the spur of time is divine. “Ruko Zara- dekhen to kya hai ye maajra- Sabhi tarah khwahishon se hai ye dil bhara”. Katrina is at its innocent best filled with the desire for life. That one click when the camera revolves around Katrina- takes you to panacea- making you believe in Love at First Sight, of deadly concoction. Leave aside Irfan, I am lost every time it see it.........

?????

Was one conversation enough to deter you from your aim and yearning? Was your desire so weak or your motive extremely ulterior to justify any action around the same or was it just about proving your point to meet the stakes? Not sure why you receded from the action- was it fear of unknown or failure or discovery of your own negativities- Was the carrot not fresh and sweet enough or public pressure too formidable to handle? But if the realisation of being wrong has dawned on you- better late than never. Do you think you have already lost what was very important to win?

At least future actions will now be well thought of and will not take back the baggage of repentance.