Aught I know....

Trying to put my hands on "Poem Writing".

Believe me- It's not easy- "Fixing the rhyme at the right time"

 

Embarking on the Unchartered Territory

Theatrics, a medium for those who emote and emulate, futile for the inexpressive. Recently an initiative by me and my team, for others led to an accidental discovery of my own blind spot.  Generally considered as dry and devoid of emotions, I was not able to fathom my ability to pull the character in a justifiable manner. Playing the role of a woman who flies to an onshore location with her husband fighting against the cultural shackles and performance standards, was a tough take at the start. After the culmination of the dramaturgy session- my expectation was to just garner few satisfactory  words from the audience and the jury. But life can be showering at times. What I got to hear from the judges was  goodie stuff about my performance. Good to hear, though it has kindled a desire to join a theatre and try my hands on emulating.

Don’t know why but have always thought that this medium can be used by psychologists on patients who are averse to social life(Likes of My Name Is Khan)!!!

All That Is Lost

In a recent Hindi novel “Tirich” authored by Mr. Uday Sharma- there was 1 line in a short story, which caught my attention and made me think. Quoting the same “Cheezein khoti nahin hain. Wo to wahin rehti hain, apne poore wazan aur astitva ke saath. Bas hum unki jagah bhool jaate hain”

I had 2 divergent feelings about the statement. Many a times we experience this phenomena because there is something better and improved, which replaces such things and that is the reason their importance negates or reduces over a period of time and we forget their presence. The new one outshines the old and the old one obsoletes. This as per economics is the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility.  It is only when we remove the dust and old matter from them after a long time that we re-experience the happiness they gave us times ago.

Another view is that Love, Respect, Friendship are also important things in our life (though not in literal sense). But these are the things that don’t stay at their old place with same weight, fervour and construct. With change in circumstances, their relativity changes. Similar opinion has been voiced by Jagjit Singh in one of his ghazals “Knots in any relationship leave wrinkles behind”.  Once you have lost Love/ Trust/ Respect/ Friendship only good memories and bitterness will stay back. We just forget their place and importance  in our own lives and move on......

Similarity comes but with a problem

I don’t know that lady, she is sitting on my opposite seat and looks just like any other lady in her 50’s. She in not very beautiful nor does she appear to be a modern Indian mom. Nothing in her which catches attention.

Gradually as the long journey progresses into dull hours, lady moves for a nap- a normal activity during train journey to cut off the monotonous hours. But there is something which starts disturbing me now. No no- she is alive and breathing. All I notice is a strange similarity in the way her frontal head is in comparison to my mother.  Similar wrinkle laden eyes, the bright red vermilion and the hair construct. She is lying there, sleeping- but to me it is bewildering???? I noticed that she is a Bengali whereas we have not had any connections with the Bengalis. I am amazed at seeing someone just like my mother. The similarity doesn’t pleasure me. In fact I am struck by some awe- I am disturbed because this figure does not look at me in the same fashion as my mother does nor does it respond to my gestures in the manner in which my mother does. Is it a bad omen? All I do is click her picture furtively and share my harrowing experience later with my sis.

The only though which comes to my mind- God please wake up this woman and keep me Mother safe and happy. After 2 hours God grants me my wish – she wakes up and all the similarities cease to exist. Troublesome it was!!

The Journey Called Train

Hailing from a middle class family, parents at times insisted that we travel via sleeper class. The intention was to keep us grounded to the grass roots and also experience various life styles. This practice however started reducing when we were sent off for our higher studies abd then for our professional pursuits. Being my usual self, I wanted to re-experience the difference in both the classes and I deliberately opted for 1 way journey in sleeper class.

The biggest difference which I found was that travellers in AC coaches who focus on PR building and networking fail to exhibit any characteristic related to this. The PR building happens only at their income and professional levels. On the contrary travellers in sleeper class have no qualms in starting innocuous conversations, sharing food and mixing up. Other big difference is the abominable attitude and the manner in which AC travellers treat the travellers in Sleeper class. You continue to live privately showing off one’s superiority over another, spending time watching laptop/listening to music whereas sleeper coaches give you means to listen to other’s conversation and music collection. 1 experience which we continue to miss in AC coaches is the open air, the vendors of all sorts commuting throughout giving you chances to explore local delicacies and items. Such source of entertainment misses in AC coaches. The only thing which takes a back burner is the hygiene and cleanliness. What can be an added problem for the women folk with their different biological requirements is the type of people around who keep ogling at them throughout the journey.

I am neither trying to prescribe here 1 medium over another nor writing off any one of them. What we sometimes fail to appreciate is that most of us have evolved from there only. There are also cases where travel was urgent and tickets might not be available for a particular type of journey.

Apni Maati Apna Desh

Whatever we may say after moving out from our native place, all good and bad- might sound true. But after long time when you return to your hometown, there is an overwhelming feeling of returning to a place that is your own- People, Soil, Animals, Language and Culture. Even though mobility has increased and our professional pursuits give us enough opportunities to try the untried, to explore new vistas and probably settle there for some parts of our lives but the call of your birthplace if difficult to deny. The scenic beauty, the lush green fields, the twitter of birds- all of it is lost and unaccounted for in our daily hustle bustle. We might sight unavailability of education or job in our native places but it is the same place, which you will find suitable to return to. More than anything, it is about the Love, Care, Scrupulousness back at home which you yearn for. It’s when you return to your home town, you realize that familiarity of language and tongue tickling food is such a relief. The literature you have forgotten to read and slangs sound different now. And returning to the place takes you in 7^th Heaven even if it for a short while....

Grandparent’s Interest

It is heartening to see the exponential amount of love that grand parents have for their grand children. On my recent visit to my grandparents, who have beautifully crossed 74 years of their nuptial relationship, now aging 94 and 90, some things dawned on me.

My nanaji can’t remember most of the stuff told to him and kept asking innocuous questions which were of paramount importance to him. He asked me what sort of work you do- I could not explain my scope of work clearly to him and just answered that I handle queries and see that employees are happy at my organization. His answer to this was that you have been given an important responsibility just maintain your countenance and deal with them correctly. Second question was that - How is the atmosphere at work and how are people around? Is their conduct good? Do I undergo any insinuations at office? All he wanted to know was whether the people I am working with are learned. When I ponder over, this feeling comes from a fact that he has fathered a woman who started working at the tender age of 21 in 1960’s- which was not an era when women folks worked in office in not so developed cities. The concern was genuine and my safety was his only interest.  In midst of these questions he also kept telling me that he lost all his vitality and the desire to live- the fact which hit me hard and can be a premonition of something in the offing. I have seen his desire for food melting down- I have seen him fighting the perils of old age. His desire to read and travel continues but is not happening due to old age. He still wishes to wake us up at 4 am- take us to the temple and morning walk post that. Even I long of playing cards with him like I did in yesteryears, eat guavas with him and discuss spirituality with him. I miss all the stories of his BHU life and being given a chance to visit Russia on government sponsorship in 1958. I also think about endless descriptions of his learning’s during travel and the palmistry sessions with him.

Such gratification is diminishing and I am preparing myself for the worst. My nani is also on her way out- she can’t walk and see properly but what she does on my visit is one of the most precious thing. She will always stroke and caress my head and back and ask “When are you coming back?”

I have come back with heavy heart this time because on leaving they said “Don’t know if we will meet again but God Bless You for your life” And they bid me goodbye. Just hoping that God gives the best of health to them............

Monkey Talk

Monkeys are closest set of creatures available on earth, in comparison to humans. Recent book “Super Freakonomics” which I read, quoted plethora of examples proved by scientific tests that monkeys are also run by positive motivation and money. Moreover, what they also spoke of was monkey’s resorting to prostitution.

Rather than talking about scientific experiments, I will talk about my observation of a herd of monkeys. They are available in plush no.s  at my maternal grandparents place. Monkey itching is notorious and ridiculed at one platform or another. The striking thing that I found in their behaviour was the way a baby monkey clings to its mother monkey. I sometimes wonder that monkey’s hair would be much stronger than any other body part because it is most of the times that baby monkey holds the hair when it hangs upside down from its mother’s bosom. Another highlight is that unlike babies of other mammals, monkey babies are not cute instead look like wrinkled packs.  Have also witnessed real instances of monkey’s aping humans. Item snatching is also very prevalent. Monkey’s are also good lice pluckers- you might give it a try for a kid of yours if the products don’t work.

It is good to thrive in a nation which believes that God resides in his creations, just like monkeys. One superstition to which I am a party and believer is that if you see a monkey in your dreams – the day goes futile, without meeting the purpose- This proves true at least for me....

Out in the Open

Indian women more than the men, undertake the responsibility of preserving their honour. Through their dressing or gestures they signal the same to the opposite sex at most times.

One recent observation brought me into thinking mode. This phenomenon is more prevalent amongst unmarried women, while the tendency reduces after marriage. What I am hinting at is deliberate and forced coverage of their assets especially when they are not married. Does post marriage bring to them freedom of all sorts? Does physical openness – open them to general society? The skin which had been hidden with beautiful attire can now be exposed without any qualms. The curves which were sneaked via effort become objects of public display especially when they step into motherhood. Does it go off because they have become someone’s private property or is this because there is nothing else left to hide? Weird thought but can’t help thinking about it.

Sarcastic Humour

Local language can be relished not just by the locales but also by some who get to hear it serendipitously. One recent conversation with a lady who has massaged my family’s skin to glow- is something which stills tickles me.

This is the era when public display of love has become common not just in affluent cities but also in suburbs and interiors of a state. One such moment in a movie when the notorious Emraan Hashmi was smooching the heroine, this lady happened to be my co- viewer. During the entire event of 2 minutes, she only saw some of it from her sneaky eyes and after the tense moments passed, her only comment in vernacular language was “ E to uska poora honth hi chabaa daar”, which left me in fits of laughter. All this extraversion has been infused in me by the city/ situation I live in. But this lady and her likes are still averse to all of this. Even talking about such intimate topics becomes a taboo. Her expression and her sneaky eyes do not fade from my memories- those aghast with the live show followed by some comments against the westernization of Indian culture.  True but it happens...

Diary Excerpt of a Fatherless Father

I have experienced life with most of its topsy turvy turns. Fathering is such a pleasure and solace to heart when you have never yourself had a chance to fit into your father’s shoes. I was born in a middle class family. My father, as I remember him in blemishes of my thoughts was a very endearing one. Catering to all the demands of his child till he became 6. All of a sudden world around shattered with the loving figure going into dungeons of other life.

Life started changing. Brought up by a mother who was only a 10^th class pass out- who sewed her way to feeding and educating the kids. Leave the rest, even continuation of study became taxing in deprived monetary condition. Toys, games, balloons stayed fantasies.

I have survived the agonies of life and have come far away at my own strength and footing. Now I am parent to one kid- a kid who chuckles seeing the colourful balloons and demands the fancy toys. I have no audacity to stop him from his demands whether reasonable or unreasonable. I want to make available all the toys/gifts at his feet. I don’t want him to slither in the pain of unfulfilled desires. All that I have gone through, all the externalities that i have faced- I don’t want my little one to feel even a iota of the same. I want to see the pleasure in his eyes, when he gets what he wanted. I can’t bear the image of tears welling in his eyes due to unmet demands.

I might be pampering him too much but then the price that I have paid for circumstances, which I had no control on-is not worth keeping him away from his miniscule happiness, till I am alive. After all what I have experienced- people might come and try to fill up places but then leaving an unbiased and equal impression is hard to find.

The Dilemma

Feminism is not just a state of mind – to me it means woman empowerment. It means a chance to show the world on the face that woman can march shoulder to shoulder.

But caught in the midst is a girl who is too confident of herself and her ability to take the world in a storm. A world full of male friends with few splashes of womanhood. The girl enjoys the company of male friends in whom she finds the capable and the restless but when in a group of females- finds herself out of place. The talks are to girly to digest- the culinary gossips she can’t bear. On one hand is the acknowledgement of being a woman but is it easy maintain the veil for the society.

The happiness is very visible when women reservation is reduced and also when taxable limit of boys and girls is brought to an equal- This is all against the general protocols.  Another dichotomy happens when the girl exercises her choice in a boy gang to booze and fag but when with the fair side of society- she has to wilfully abstain because females might perceive her otherwise. Cars and racing excite her but reverse parking is still a nightmare

Difficult but true-the girl is fighting her own battle without knowing how to go with the flow.

Vicissitudes of life

Affluence is what everyone strives for- even though the means may be different and limited. When we are in the process of preparing ourselves for life- going to malls and other places of grandeur, feels good- because our eyes twinkle with the thoughts of future filled with money and capability to purchase whatever desired.  But reality strikes in when you start earning. It’s another vicious circle- desires never end. Wants convert into needs. Luxury becomes a habit. What else is intriguing is malls then don’t give you the same pleasure- it is not just the law of marginal utility but not being able to purchase the high end extravagances. Visit to such places make you more cognizant of the fact that current earnings can’t meet your requirements. Even though you may be giving the best input in all your endeavours, best of things still are out of reach. It fills you with gloom. It is then when you realise simplicity and contentment should be the virtue of life- But can we achieve this- Not sure again???

Jealousy- Woman is not the only synonym

Trizz is what they call it- Trying my hands on a different medium of literary eloquence. Mr. Strategist- do let me know- how I fare in my first attemptJ

I am always trampled under your feet, when at home. They get beautiful shelves- my shelf life has come to an end.  They get better packaging and maintenance- what about me- thrown in any corner. Just like you, even i enjoy outdoors- why have you restricted my presence to the four walls of your home.  I feel atrocious when I see others adding that extra touch to your beauty- what about all the services that I give you even in dearth and dirt. I know I am not to be admired because of the way i look, my make and cost but do give me the what I deserve- respect for my services to you.

Yours,

Ghar Ki Chappal

Femme Fatale- The respite

Had heard of a saying “A woman is a woman’s best friend” though had never believed in it. Instead gave paramount importance to the woman’s vengeance over her fidelity. While earlier might be the case in competition or cases of common craving but latter sounds well tried in relationship of confidence and trust. However, witnessed the same in my relatively recent relationships. The comfort which they bring to you, the ability to empathize with their thoughts and understanding the pain and going through the same is the crux.  Friendship with guys even though enriching and different, lacks in this regard- when it comes to understanding your problem like you.

After all grandma’s “hidaayat” is well tried and holds true even it today’s changed times. Even a scientific research claims that woman don’t look for a solution but only an open ear to their woes as against men who are ready with ample advice and solutions. This realisation even though late- has come in for all the good realism and bringing to light the contribution of the femme fatale. Cheers!!!

The Carving>>>>

Have you ever come across a literary masterpiece by an unknown author- which is a befitting description for you? I have come across only once by author “Edgar Wallace” in the novel “The Valley of Ghosts”. Drawing the same picture in front of you---that was 9 years back.

He had once read in a novel of heroine that she was flower like and had dismissed this description as a piece of extravagance on the part of the writer. And yet the description fitted her- the petal purity of her coloring, the stem straightness of her figure he admired, She was a bud, half revealing the splendour of flower yet wholly satisfying in her immaturity.

It was something between girl and child- so exactly satisfying as they were, that you grudged their improvement.

Does it fit now---People around can tell.

It hurts—Really it does

I might not come across as an emotional wreck and wouldn’t even classify into lower rungs of this category but when it comes to felt emotions i can be a challenge to surpass.

A chapter of my life- a dear friend who had only 1 relation with me- friendship and what i had towards him – Friendship for convenience- who could be around in despair, the one to celebrate good times and a companion for solace in college days. Nothing more nothing less. Time became different and convenience got well discovered when a white beauty enters his life. As anticipated our distances became like horizons when the shower of love fell on his lap. Calls and meetings became rainbows. But this is one side of the story- what i was not aware of was the fact that this is going in background and i am averse to all of it. All what was visible to others was opaque to me probably because i wanted to hear it from the horses mouth.

But the horse came to me only when a sudden realisation occurred and realities of relationship started sinking in. But this sudden confession which didn’t come as a shock rose emotions which i had not warranted of. The feeling of losing a friend and being the last one to know was the worst i have experienced.  Why did i loose my salty water- I still cant fathom and then citing nostalgia as a reason to all those who had never seen me crying....

Their relationship is no more tied with right strings- he has come to me for pacification but i fail to understand all of it.............................. When i go back and think- It really hurts and i don’t know why.

Hello Helooooo

Remembering Mr Cognac on a day when his existence is nil in my life.

 A person who could make a silent person chat on phone for 5 hours at a stretch. First guy friend who brought home all the worldly facts on a phone call only. The chance meetings averted to keep the long distance friendship alive. A stranger whom i conveniently blame for my poor CAT scores and shut up saying “Chalo ik baar phir se ajnabi ban jaye hum done”.

Life has changed- I have friends who are not virtual but the deep manly voice of that Casanova- i still miss- The ability to charm via eloquence- i still don’t find i match. Mr Cognac don’t want to meet you but wish to keep hearing from you.

Hello—U there?

Farzi Tamanna

The subject here- of whose Tamanna I am referring to, would be on the seventh heaven seeing his mention in my compilation. Farzi- whose tamanna never got fulfilled to conquer a soul who could tax him like no one else. Someone whose glimpse drove him crazy and running for solace to people, who couldn’t understand an iota of his emotions.

Though he used to frantically sing “Na tamanna mujhko teri na tere sansar ki- ik jhalak dikhla de mujhko mere yaar ki” without agreeing to the 1^st bite. Life is strange- you meet people whom you want to stay with but you crave for those you can be with. Some compel you to come closer and some you start despising over a period of time. But there are only few who continue to steal the limelight wherever you go and give the realisation that life is a pain when the person is silent. The literary voices, the composers all start finding place in your soul waiting to write the apt description and state of mind but can they make it happen? The pain of moving on is only known to a person who has always been trying to reach there, without being given a chance to explain.

Might be rude but the whiteness of your clothes should be a reflection of your inner self and not a facade.

I know you are getting into a new phase of life but this is what i have taken inspiration from you “Tamanna to hai tamanna ko pane ki, gar mil jaye tamanna to tamanna na rahe kuch aur pane ki”

Notes Of Discord- A discordant view

A short story by author ‘Paritosh Uttam’, which stirs your emotions and make you dwell on the fact the Vengeance is subjective and differs from person to person linked to their zodiac/ upbringing, though not sure about it.

The story revolves around a married woman who accidentally discovers her husband’s diary and figures out the secret entry of a vamp in her life. Unlike other stories which turn to a melee between the women- this story highlights the helpless bosom’s resort to aping her husband- to drive the learning to him. She recreates a similar situation through her own diary where she announces the entry of J- a fictional entry to reprimand her husband of the deadly sin committed by him (only on the basis of lost charm and voluptuousness of his life).

Life is difficult to decipher- on the one hand is woman fraternity willing to give her 101% to the males and on the other hand taking up the attire of Devi Durga who brings the evil to the end. In this era of tit for tat even the relationships have become so. Eye for eye and tooth for tooth is the mantra to establish your presence. Author’s imagination is well placed when some of them would sit down and become complacent, some involving the entire breed of their own and some taking it to court. This story definitely is forward  looking and a welcome change from the creepy lizards, eagles and vultures of Linda Goodmen’s world.

Nepotism- The Corporate view

Nepotism as a word and as a practice has not been appreciated to a larger extent except for some countries like Japan and Korea- where communism takes a lead. Otherwise bringing a herd of your own is not welcome.

Looking at it from the corporate perspective brings the oxymoron “Referrals”. Referral is nothing but nepotism of a different league. This worthy point was highlighted in an HR forum convened by Dr. Indira Parikh. Different but true. In fact this sort of nepotism is well payed to the employees and in return brings windfall gains to the company- which benefits from the people of similar attributes getting an entry into their so called culture. Where does the strategy of “Innovation” fit in now? When people are not so different- can you expect a higher level of differentiation with regards to your work?

Being a member of fraternity which keeps citing lack of talented pool in market- i would not dare to reduce the benefits conferred upon by this practice but does it really fit into company’s policy of Equal Opportunities of Employment and Non Discrimination- Not Very Sure????

Is Silence always Golden??

Lost in a quagmire of thoughts, i most of the times wonder if keeping silent would avoid all the possible melees around. Is it lack of audacity to confront or the desire not to let things go out of hand?

Ancient adage stresses that Speech if silver, silence is golden- Does it conform to new world "Kalyug" standards- when Right to Speech is widely exercised and no matter what it might lead to- damage is already wrecked upon. Sometimes not being able to verbally retaliate can present you in negative light infront of antagonists who can rip you apart in a social forum.

People around keep advising - become volcano like - build on the negativity for some time and then it vent out at the right time- to create maximum impact. Is that a way to burden any person with your catharasis? Moreover, this can also lead to close people around becoming victims of your lashes and then comes the time when you repent for arrows alredy shot.

When i am being shouted at and i still dont reply- what i give back is "Indifference and Silence" and i still maintain- it can be better way of striking the iron when it is hot rather than giving it back.


What Say?????